Tag Archives: mindfulness

Sep9

Becoming an Elder

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When a neighbor drove by as I was walking, she rolled down her window and pointed behind us with a smile and said, “Home is back that way” . . . “we’re going to need that kind of help someday.” We laughed and she drove on, having reminded me that we are conscious about getting older even though we still feel young.

Part of my ministry is to craft a worship service once a month for Unitarian Universalists and their friends who are residents of a retirement community near our church. In that environment I feel too young at 70 to have a real understanding of life at 80, 90, or 100 (as two of them will soon celebrate their centennial birthdays!).

Part of my personal quest is to age with a certain amount of grace and purpose. To that end, I signed up for a four-week, on-line webinar on Eldering. It’s designed for spiritual companions like me and equally important, for my future decade(s). Getting older can also be a path to becoming more open-hearted and appreciative of life at any age.

The New York Times Magazine has a weekly column entitled “New Sentences.” Translated from the original Japanese, author Sayaka Murata writes, “I’m now thirty-six years old, and the convenience-store-worker-me is eighteen.” (Click on the image to read the short commentary by Sam Anderson.)

I salute you, at each of your inner and outer ages!

 

Mar1

Micro-theology

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Reading, reading, and more reading is for me a time-tested source of reflection. This week it’s The Practice of Spiritual Direction, by William A. Barry & William J. Connolly. They ask, “Who is God for me, and who am I for God?”

Who is God for me? God is infinity, God is love. God is both remote and inaccessible and also fully present and personal. For me that means God transcends mystery, which can be microscopic or cosmic in nature. God is always present, but not in control.

Who am I for God? Wholly imperfect, fully human, worthy, and loved.

How do I feel about myself in relation to God? Inadequate, imperfect (based on deep-seated, internalized judgments from my father and other humans. Now I remember that they, too, were both inadequate and also imperfect.)

How do I feel about myself in relationship with God? I feel loved for who I am, mortal and limited. I feel challenged to be my best self, not anyone else.

How can I enter into (fuller) relationship with God?

  1. Stop and breathe.
  2. Confess my greatest hope and/or my greatest concern.
  3. Listen to inner wisdom and wisdom of the ages.
  4. Begin again in love.

Those four steps do not require a belief in a particular god/dess or deity. They require me to tap into the depths of my own knowledge and experience. They remind me to love to the best of my ability day by day. (Reading helps, too!)

How do you maintain a connection with your highest power? In relation to what? In relationship with whom? (Even tentative thoughts are fine!)

Feb15

Spiritual Friendship

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Tilden Edwards wrote a book entitled Spiritual Friend: Reclaiming the Gift of Spiritual Direction. He is the founder of the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation, where many of my teachers studied.

Edwards spoke to my heart of a “calm trust in grace winding its opening way” through one’s life.

Grace has been winding its opening way through me. I stood in a small park last Spring and saw with fresh eyes each raindrop on the grass, the trees, and the lily pond as grace. A gift that was mine for the taking, created by unseen forces.

I walked around the pond and took pictures of water lilies and a small cottontail rabbit nibbling, undisturbed, on lush wet grass. It was an experience of grace.

pond-in-distance lily-and-bud bunnyThis year I have visited monthly with a spiritual director in between classes to become a spiritual director myself. “Direction” is a bit misleading; it’s more like a conversation about one’s spiritual life. How does spirituality shape the way I live in the world? What’s the reason for prayer?

Since August I have been more faithful (again) about daily meditation / contemplation / prayer / what have you. I’ve increased the time gradually all the way up to 22 minutes in the morning and about 2 minutes at night as I settle into restful slumber.

In the evening I take a series of three breaths and repeat as long as needed while I focus on being grounded, on being full of gratitude, and on God as Love. The three Gs make it easy to remember:

1) Grounded. I belong here and I can rest now.

2) Gratitude. For grace that came my way this day, for friends, for opportunities and challenges, I give thanks.

3) God. Let all abide in love. Let love guide our lives.

Gratitude in the morning for having seen a new day, and gratitude for the day as I drift off to sleep, are now the bookends of my daily life. How does grace “wind its opening way” through your life?

Jun9

Our bodies, our lives

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So much sorrow, anger, trauma, and pain has been filling a closed Facebook group of over 500 women ministers. Earlier this week a ministerial colleague posted about her rage after the rapist at Stanford was convicted of three felonies and was sentenced to merely 6 months–so as not to disrupt his life further.

The floodgates were opened by survivors of sexual assault. Within 24 hours, well over 130 women shared personal stories of rape and violation from as early as 3 years of age well into mature adulthood.

When I was told about this online conversation I read it all at once and finally commented about my own experiences. I was numb, but my eyes kept “leaking.” I didn’t feel like going to yoga but did anyway, and I wept silently through most of it (with one break just to blow my nose). For the closing Shavasan meditation I had trouble lying still and felt more tears leak out.

I needed time to process. Solitude, a walk, prayers, a comfortable bath, music. My personal story of abuse took place decades ago, when I was just a little girl, but I can remember the horror. I am one of hundreds of colleagues and millions of women all over the world who have been used for someone else’s heinous agenda. Every day, every night, every second.

Sexual violence is only one expression of trauma. Is there anyone in the world who has not been traumatized by something? Abuse, alcohol, neglect, misuse of power, and economic brutality join a long list of ways humans can hurt each other. On top of that are the ways survivors are ignored, disbelieved, and even blamed for the crimes of others.

Sharing stories of violence is not easy. Many of us spend countless hours in therapy to do just that. Could we create safe places to share deep emotions? Could we offer rituals of healing and wholeness? Our bodies, our lives, our hearts.

May15

Ripples

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Tapestry Singers, the Austin Women’s Chorus, will appear for our Spring Concert this beautiful Sunday afternoon at 4PM.  One of our songs, “A Pebble in the Water,” reminds us how words and deeds impact others just as surely as a stone dropped into a pond.  James W. Foley wrote the lines, set to music by Victor C. Johnson.

The first verse reminds us of ripples that spread across a pond after a single pebble lands in the water. Isn’t it a pretty sight? We can see circles of ripples that radiate along the surface all the way to the edge. As the pebble drops, unseen ripples push through deeper water until–ever so slightly–the stone alters the earth below.

ripples-640872_960_720

Second and third verses turn our attention to words we say. An unkind word may soon be forgotten by the speaker even when it is hurtful to someone else. James Foley, who died in 1939, couldn’t know about social media and the unkind words that ripple, roil, and take on lives of their own. They can quickly bring out the most distasteful of human interactions.

By contrast, one kind word may produce ripples of comfort, generosity, or even inspiration. A kind deed such as letting a car merge in front of us has the effect of influencing others to show that same courtesy.

Simple kindness is a bit of heaven on earth. Let’s keep it circling on and on!

Aug12

Unknowing

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prepare to dive

 

I am diving into a three-year course of study through Formation in Direction, FIND. First assignments have us plunging into both eastern and western Christian spirituality, and into personality types (beginning with our own).

The Cloud of Unknowing, written by an anonymous Christian mystic in 14th century England, captures the state of my progress.

Unknowing whatever I thought I knew about God, the unknowable.

Unknowing whatever logic gets in the way of silence.

Unknowing where FIND will take me.

Anonymous begins this book by telling the reader not to read it aloud or copy it or quote from it. Its lessons about contemplative prayer belong to one reader at a time. Until I have read the 75 short chapters and actually followed their instructions, I cannot know the whole of it, nor can I explain it fully by sharing it in part.

How delightful! This unknowing!

As I travel this unknowable path toward an unknowable God, I will come here to this blog from time to time to drop pebbles of uncertain origin. They might help me find my way home. The stones on my desk are inscribed with individual words:

Spirit

Courage

Balance

Walk

Always Say a Prayer

For now I shall claim them as my touchstones and solid companions to help me find my way home. Let the Unknowing begin!

Aug5

A Spiritual Life

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Breathe

A couple of weeks ago I read these words by Werner Herzog:

We need constantly to renew our relationships–

to the houses we live in,

to our friends,

to our own bodies

–all the time, every day.

I have become more diligent lately about going to yoga 2-3 times a week. It’s a gentle yoga with more attention to the breath than to the reach of the body. Focus on the breath and the body will follow.

A spiritual life means movement, not “just” prayer, writing, reflection, conversation. Thus are we invited to more mindfulness in everything we do for ourselves–food, drink, exercise; and more mindfulness in everything we do for the world–labor, chores, advocacy, volunteering, and otherwise getting out of our chairs.

The invitation has been here all the time. Mixed in with the rest of life’s debris we didn’t even notice the plain looking wrapper. But let your imagination open it. Notice the care with which it was created–the perfect choice of color and style, the quiet and open-ended invitation. There’s no deadline (other than death), no promises, no begging.

Just a possibility, waiting.

Aug23

Time Management–Ugh!

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I signed a contract for another year beginning August 1, but this year at 3/4 time (my choice). However, I’m trying to figure out how to work 3/4 time when I’ve already developed full-time habits.

There is always ministry to be done. In fact, it didn’t always get done to my satisfaction even at full-time. So, what to do?

Easy to set a schedule; hard to stick to it. Fewer hours per day? One less day per week? One less week per month? Pros and cons to each of them. Conjure up another 1/4 time job, even if it’s voluntary?

Conscious of this, I think I’ll start with an online timer to see how much time is really spent. It reminds me of budgeting for a low income–keeping track of every penny helped me figure out where the money was going and also made me more conscious of every dollar I spent.

If you have good tips, let me know. Meanwhile, there’s a movie to see this afternoon!

Jan27

Kairos

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Kairos has found me at last in this time, this space, this moment of reflection. Cool morning, warm sun streaming through my favorite window.

Having moved non-stop it seems from holidays, son’s wedding, conference, sister-time, ministers’ retreat (with work to fill “spare time”), pastoral care, a couple of sermons squeezed in, meetings, plans, and more, means that personal time has been limited at best. Not a half day off with no work that had to be done, to the point that it did not qualify as true rest–just another thing to wedge between A & B and on toward Z. I have not had/blocked out enough time to give my soul a chance to catch up.

So I pause without agenda–except to let everything go–for the next few hours. Let this sunshine recharge my weakened batteries for a spell. The battery warning light was not glowing orange but red. Reserves have been tapped frequently to get through specific tasks or responsibilities only to leave me depleted at the end. Complete a task–barely–and move on before taking time to sweep my spirit clean. Float free like wind and water.

So let my spirit clear up with these blue skies after a gray day; let this breeze flow through me; let this poem speak to my heart; let this walk bring me down to earth; let this music dance for me until I can dance, too.

Jun20

Prayer Journal

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Thanks to Karl, I’ve started a prayer journal. On a recent Sunday he mentioned having done this for a couple of years, once a week, and sent me samples from his book. Since I keep a journal and I regularly meditate or pray, why not combine the practices? The idea is to spend some time (perhaps an hour) once a week to write to whatever/whoever seems appropriate: Spirit of Life; Mystery of the Universe; Holy One; My Higher Self . . . and just put your inner needs or desires into words. I started with a different journal from my usual one. It had been given to participants of a yoga retreat in April, and seemed just right for my new purpose.

Here’s a sample prayer, fresh off the keyboard:

Mystery Beyond My Understanding,

Be with my friends and parishioners who are hospitalized, in rehab, under Hospice care, and recently deceased. Each of them has been a teacher to me and continues to teach me without a single lesson plan.

They show me that we are frail vessels who might suddenly become ill or injured or in need of surgery. I particularly pray for my neighbor Ken, whose surgery is very soon. He is afraid and anxious, not just of the surgery but of the aggressive cancer. Another neighbor, a nurse, has been a steadfast companion.

They show me what it means to live and die with dignity, how dying brings out both the best and the worst of patients, family members, and friends. That we will die is not a mystery, but we prefer to ignore that fact.

Mystery of Life, Mystery of Death, open my eyes and let compassion guide me into good ministry and loving friendship.

Shanti, Peace, Aloha

Here’s a link to How to Keep a Prayer Journal. It suggests keeping a Bible at hand, but any scripture or book of poetry might be your preference. Let me know if you decide to try this–and check with me to make sure I keep it up!
Keeping a Prayer Journal