Category Archives: ministry

Sep15

Circle of Colleagues

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A group of trusted peers helps many a person stay sane!

Who but the people in your line of work understand fully the challenges you face? When I was a young woman, recently married and with one then two sons to raise, neighborhood mothers offered a lifeline as we learned by experience and from each other. Since then I have often developed special relationships with co-workers.

As a clergyperson I find collegial connections essential to my formation and continuing education.

Clergy  love the people we serve but we need friends among our peers. They are the folks we can lean on in times of struggle–and there are many! My group of twelve meets monthly if we can possibly be there. We share a devotional time of reflection and ritual. We brag on our successes but more importantly we share the raw edges of our lives, the places where we’re bruised and bleeding. We are bound by mutual expectations of confidentiality so that we, too, have a safe place to be open and real.

Uncertainty, confusion and doubt? Of course.      Requests for advice? Sometimes.      Leaning on one another? By all means.

We hold one another accountable when our professionalism or actions fall short of our Code of Ethics as Unitarian Universalists. Between meetings we often follow up with a phone call of support or a one-on-one meeting. We serve as mentors to one another–either on a formal basis or through simple collegiality.

Then we go back to our ministries, refreshed and ready to serve.

Thank you, colleagues!

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Aug24

Reconnection

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Kathleen and Jon were married about five years ago. It was my honor and privilege to officiate. We had an immediate connection through their names and my husband’s and mine. “My” Jon was included in the wedding festivities and we were invited to the rehearsal dinner at ZTejas Grill, hosted by Kathleen’s father Richard Moore.

Fast forward a few years. Jon and Kathleen have two children. Serena is 4 1/2 by now and Jacob is almost 2. Beautiful children; happily ever after and all that. Then in June I was contacted through this very blog. When Jon “found” me I was traveling in North Carolina, but that was old news. By the time he sent the message, I was in Phoenix for a church conference. Jon wrote:

I just read on your blog here that you are/were out of town, are you still out of the area? The reason I ask is that Kathleen’s father has passed away, and we would like to have you officiate the memorial. From what I understand, he liked you when you talked to him at our rehearsal dinner; you made a strong impact on him, and we know that he would have liked to have you for this.

A sweet reconnection with a family I had met as a group during one special event. They lived close enough for visits with Grandpa–Pflugerville, Austin, Cedar Park, San Marcos, and Leander. A little over a year ago Dick and his third wife Marsha moved back to Texas and spent much more time with the kids and four young grandkids.

Kathleen, Lori, and Jason remembered wild rides with Dad on a golf cart; the Bradley Kit car he worked to assemble (and never quite finished); and his invention of the touch tone phone. Too bad he never applied for a patent before someone else followed through and manufactured it! The family enjoyed entertaining dinners together every month and brought in the extended family on holidays. The greatest memory after Dad died was the laughter and hilarity of these times together.

I’m glad Dick and Marsha, who had been his childhood sweetheart in San Marcos, moved back to Texas. He had been absent for most of 25 years in Albuquerque or Florida after he and their mother divorced. When family members separate, the children–in this case, teenagers–feel a real void. In the midst of pain they all did the best they knew how.

How do YOU keep love alive? It’s so easy to lose touch with friends and family members whom we don’t see on a regular basis. It’s not so easy to break ties when we would much rather stay connected. Perhaps Dick and his children needed that time apart to go on with their independent lives without undue drama. I’ll never know the whole story. The ending of Dick’s story is that he was indeed back in touch. This Henry Van Dyke poem was included in the memorial service:

For Katrina’s Sun-Dial

Time is

Too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love,
Time is Eternity.

Hours fly,
Flowers die
New days,
New ways
Pass by.
Love stays.

–Henry,  Van Dyke

Aug21

Defriending

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“Ouch!”

“Was it something I posted? Doesn’t she like me any more? Why would she cut me off?” Maybe it’s just my imagination, but these thoughts might have crossed the minds of some of my Facebook friends.

It was not easy to do and required a lot of reflection. Several days ago a ministerial colleague of mine posted that she had de-friended all her former congregants. “It feels crappy,” she said. But she woke me up to what I must do. Every now and then I had heard that this was the “best practice” but had resisted. After all, if it’s posted on Facebook it can’t be harmful to read without comment, can it?

With every posting, though, I remembered that relationship and it was keeping me a little bit stuck. I had known many of them for nine years, some longer than that. Weddings, child blessings, coming of age ceremonies, memorial services, yes but mostly the week by week and daily connections as we did the work of ministry. I still want to know about the big events. Births and deaths are the biggest events upon which I would love to heap blessings. I just have to do it from a distance.

As I went through the list of friends I reviewed their latest postings and sent love and prayers to each of them. After all, we were in relationship for a long time. Maybe someday in some other way we will be again and we can be Facebook friends again. But it’s time for me to move out of that world for my sake and for theirs.

I do hope and pray for blessings to grace those lives as beloved individuals and as a congregation. May life smile upon you and bless you. May you know that you are loved.

 

Aug7

They are Other

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I awakened from a dream about the Wisconsin shooting of a Sikh temple–a gurdwara (“Gateway to the Guru”). It was not a narrative dream but the disconnected images seemed to ask a single question: Why?

At the time of the dream I knew nothing about the shooter–background, motivation, history of violence, mental state, family life, upbringing–except that he was male, 40 years old, a former Army soldier. I’ll not use his name. All of the unknowns of his life factored into a context. He had guns and knew how to use them. There was a recent high-profile shooting in Colorado. There was a target: people who undoubtedly are not like this man.

They are so different, in fact, that their clothing and hair are distinctive; the turbans set them apart. They have a separate community within a suburb near Milwaukee. There was a significantly large assembly at the same place and time. Perhaps worst of all, their religious life, race, culture, language, and country of origin are unfamiliar and somehow “strange.” Sikhs are often confused with Muslims; violence against both distinctive groups has gone up significantly since 2001. Since the Milwaukee shooting, a mosque in Joplin, Missouri, was burned to the ground.

They are Other.

Perhaps that explains the curious lack of media coverage. Yes, it was reported. Yes, one can find info on the web. We were pretty saturated with coverage in Aurora, CO, just a couple of weeks, when there was television coverage for hours on end. More of us relate to going out to a movie than with Sikhism or face it, even going to a worship service of any kind.

What do we have in common with Sikhs? Best I can figure out, they believe in one God, in human equality, and in service to the community. Here’s what Amanda Yaira Robinson has to say, with links to further information.

Jul24

Bending a life

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For those of you who have wondered from my previous blog, I have no plans at present to move. (It could happen some day but not for a long while.) There have been opportunities presented to me and some that I have pursued on my own. Although each of them had positive attributes they ultimately did not fit well enough with my priorities–the things I value more.

Instinct, conscience, and family carry a lot of weight. The story of my life … still unfolding, outcome uncertain. For now I am content and very fortunate to enjoy the unfolding. Life is good.

How about you?

Theodore Parker said (and has often been quoted): “The arc of the moral universe is long, and it bends toward justice.”

Shrink that down a great deal and you might also consider: The arc of my/your life is long and it bends toward _________________.

Something positive, I hope!

Your past may well be full of hard knocks, understanding, or humility. (Better those than hanging on to emotions like anger, resentment, or remorse.) But look ahead, especially when faced with one of those crucial decisions. What has been the arc of your life, where is it going, and why? Most importantly, how does it serve your higher purpose?

Blessings to all!

Jul4

Two Transylvanias

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Back from a month of travel and books!

My last blogs placed me in Brevard and Asheville, NC, visiting friends. Beautiful people, beautiful forests, waterfalls, and cool air. On Sunday morning of our visit, Jon and I walked about 4 blocks to the Unitarian Universalist church in Brevard. It’s called Unitarian Universalists of Transylvania County, a very descriptive name (trans + sylvania = through a wooded land).

In May of 1999 Jon and I made a more distant journey to Transylvania, formerly part of Hungary and now part of Romania.  Many of the people are historically Unitarian. They experienced a great deal of persecution for their religion and language. The irony is that the Unitarian King John Sigismund issued an Edict of Religious Toleration in 1568 – “The Edict of Torda (or Turda), also known as the Patent of Toleration (Act of Religious Tolerance and Freedom of Conscience), was an attempt by King John II Sigismund of Hungary to guarantee religious freedom in his realm. Specifically, it broadened previous grants (to Roman Catholics, Lutherans, and Calvinists) to include the Unitarian Church, and allowed toleration (not legal guarantees) for other faiths” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edict_of_Toleration)

Public schools do not teach Hungarian and no Hungarian is allowed in the public square on signs or in speech. Therefore the Unitarian churches keep Hungarian culture and language alive. Their motto, counter to Trinitarianism, is very simple: “God Is One.” In Hungarian it’s spelled Egy Az Isten and pronounced Edge Oz Eeshten. That simple yet profound declaration is posted over every church gate and in the sanctuary.

Our host in the city of Brassó (“Brasov” in Romanian) was the Rev. Sándor Máthé and his wife Sindike. They live next door to the magnificent church in a parsonage from which we could go directly down to the church in a driving rainstorm. Twelve children participated in catechism and Confirmation that day (11 boys and 1 girl!) and received as adult members in the faith. [Fun fact: they used Jon’s pen to sign the Membership Book.] The Unitarian Church in Eastern Europe is far different from this country’s. Its depths of history and tradition are inspirational.

A memory trip indeed! I’ll get back to my intended topic by and by . . . Happy Independence Day, wherever you live!

May7

Wrap Up

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This has been such a busy week that I haven’t had time to write until now, a full week into May!

My sister Madeleine arrived from Columbus, Ohio, on Thursday, April 26–right on Jon’s and my 15th wedding anniversary. We enjoyed a nice TexMex dinner on a garden patio. Lovely plants, water features, and fans kept us cool at Vivo. Good food, too!

The weekend was awesome with a fantastic service and sendoff from Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Church. Love that congregation! Love the friends and family members who came just for that final service. Some “Loose Threads” and other members of Tapestry Singers came to join the choir in singing “Seasons of Love.” (The one about “Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes . . . how do you measure a year in the life . . . how about love?”

Lots of hugs and love from people of all ages. I will miss the children and youth most especially. It is such a blessing to watch them grow up and mature year after year. They are now frozen in time in my mind’s eye. Adults don’t change nearly so rapidly, but they, too, have filled my memory bank for years to come as they are now.

Already the congregation anticipates the arrival of an Interim Minister who will assist with multiple transitions, both personal and congregational, beginning August 1. Meanwhile, lay led teams have been doing wonderful work in preparing to cover the 3 months in between. It’s exciting to imagine the changes going on already!

Now my key ring is lighter and my email has dropped to a manageable level. No complaints there!

Apr27

Kairos / Chronos

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The close of my ministry with Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Church is coming quickly. It boils down to a pastoral visit, a parable for the children, a sermon for the grownups, a farewell to and from all, and a walk through the building and through the labyrinth before turning in my keys.

I am a fortunate woman to have served this congregation for nearly nine years. That is a substantial chunk of time since my ordination nineteen years ago.

Chronos refers to time in ordinary terms, as in past, present, and future. It is measurable in nanoseconds and in geological eras. Events happen and recede into the past. We plan for the future and it’s here so quickly I often say, “The dates in your calendar are closer than they appear.”

In Greek mythology, Chronos is the personification of Time. Kairos has a different Greek meaning for time: the opportune moment. Typically something special happens at just that “right” moment in time.

In chronos terms, April 30 is my last day at Live Oak. I can look back over my time there and the history before then, and I can estimate with increasing certitude how the next few days will play out.

In terms of kairos, this is an opportune moment for nearly anything to transpire. Whenever there is a change in leadership the entire system shifts. Transitions begin with an ending, then go through a neutral zone of flux and possibility, and end with a beginning: something new and not entirely predictable. T.S. Eliot said it this way in The Four Quartets:

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

I don’t think he meant that in absolute terms. “Where we start from” changes and if we land there again we land with different experiences, wisdom, and insight (or a new chance to learn the same lessons again).

My immediate plans are to travel. My husband Jon and I will take a road trip to see friends in North Carolina. We have both been working so hard that a break will be most welcome. Yesterday was our 15th (!) anniversary. Time on the road will give us a chance truly to catch up while leaving ordinary responsibilities behind. A second honeymoon! We’ll be back in time for me to preach in San Antonio–perhaps an antidote to the temptation to “run away from home.”

June will find me on a journey to Tokyo to visit my son Rob, his wife Lin, and Lin’s extended family. The only other time I visited Rob in Tokyo was in 2003, I believe, the first year he moved there. Who knew he would stay so long, teaching English, working as a messenger, and now computer programming? Who knew he would meet his Taiwanese wife because she wanted someone to climb Mt. Fuji with her? He has been back to the States a few times; I’m excited about my return trip.

Returning June 14 I’ll have just barely enough time to reset my biological clock, do some laundry, and repack to fly to Phoenix on the 17th. This trip will be for the General Assembly of the Unitarian Universalist Association. We’re calling this one a “Justice General Assembly” to draw attention to our witness on comprehensive immigration reform. Where better than Arizona to raise our voices?

Those are chronos events, to be sure. The kairos comes in the possibility–no, the certainty–that my life will spin into a direction unknown. It won’t be Kansas any more, Toto! My ministry will form and reform as the months and moments occur. I am open to new possibilities.

I have such high hopes for Live Oak as well. Spinning a congregation in a new direction will also be inevitable, but it will likely be a little longer in duration. Have any of you noticed the speed of church? This transition will be rapid in congregational terms but terribly slow for the “early adopters.” I am so excited for their future. Since change is inevitable, let’s all make the best of it!

Be blessed, companions, as I have been blessed.

Mar31
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What a great occasion March 30, 2012! Brian Ferguson was ordained to Unitarian Universalist ministry by the members of the San Marcos Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. The sanctuary was packed with well wishers from Kerrville, San Antonio, Austin, Waco, and Dallas as well as San Marcos. I was pleased to see several members of Live Oak who made the trip south through rush hour traffic. Clergy robed up and wore their beautiful stoles full of symbolism and color. Delicious appetizers greeted us before the service and even more delights greeted us in the buffet line after the service. Thanks, San Marcos volunteers and caterers!

We send our best healing wishes to Will Bryant, who was to play the piano, and to Ann Allen, who was to present the new stole to Brian. Will was in a car accident and Ann had a fall so neither of them could attend.

The Rev. Aaron While, Associate Minister at First UU Church in Dallas, delivered a fine sermon. He is the proud (and exhausted) father of his first baby Henry, born March 7. Aaron admitted that he might be the first preacher to fall asleep at the pulpit. But he did not. It was wise, witty, and wonderful–filled with the wonder and beauty of ministry.

Other colleagues read or sang or prayed. The Rev. Meg Barnhouse delivered a “charge” to the congregation. Among other things she advised them not to needle their minister with piddly little things. He is called to lead and to pursue the vision, not to worry about whether his tie is the right color. The congregation can support the minister by “keeping him in mind” as their spiritual leader, though merely a man.

I delivered the charge to Brian himself. Someone mentioned later that its emphasis on self-care and balance could apply to nearly everyone, so here is the text as written, if not exactly as spoken:

Charge to the Minister: Rev. Brian Ferguson

Rev. Kathleen Ellis

30 March 2012

Brian, this ordination, this laying on of hands, and your new stole have set you apart. You and your congregation will shape each other over time. They have asked you to speak your truth; to teach wonder and mystery as well as facts; to witness and act on your moral convictions; to officiate for many life transitions; and to serve with love and kindness. That’s all they want! Walking on water is not a requirement.

We already know you’re flexible. Not content with a standard internship you ended up with 3 completely different intern supervisors—Davidson Loehr, Chuck Freeman, and me—in 2 very different congregations—1st UU and Live Oak in Austin. What an experience of observation while remaining out of the crosshairs of conflict! Yes, flexibility is an asset.

You in turn have offered to share curiosity, encouragement, and courage in this wonderful world of parish ministry. Your new stole represents this life to which you are called. When you wear it you are yoked in service of something greater than yourself.

Both you and the congregation spoke of love. That’s hardly a term to be taken lightly because it carries with it one of the most fundamental desires from the moment of birth until the dying of the light.

My charge to you this evening is for you to take care of your spirit, mind, and body.  Infuse these three with love and the knowledge that time waits for no one. The dates in your calendar are closer than they appear!

So take care of yourself for the long haul. You already have a split residency between here and Austin. Make the most of your time in each place, but don’t wear yourself to a frazzle at either end of that stretch of road. You are the one to set boundaries on your work. No one but you will know how much has been asked of you. Ministry never ends so you have to draw the line somewhere every single day. It will wait! And you will work much more efficiently and quickly on the things that matter if you are well rested and in a good frame of mind.

Pray. Center yourself to the point that you know how your spirit is today. Then you can pray for guidance, pray for the people, pray for the earth and everything riding on it. Seek out spiritual direction from someone who will encourage you to grow your spirit. Or find a text or poem that leads you on a path of growth and challenge. Do whatever it takes to feed and nurture your spirit.

As for your mind, read and discuss as widely as possible. Join a book club that chooses books and subjects you never knew existed. Read to learn and read for fun. Get involved in activities outside the church. All of these encounters help keep your mind open and agile.

As for your body, celebrate your health and pay attention to keeping it. Good nutrition and exercise of heart, lungs, and muscles will go a long way toward satisfaction with life and in ministry.

Take time for your family, beginning with Natalie and Isla, who teach you so much about the world through their eyes. Living as an independent family unit is not always easy, especially when you combine different cultures and personalities. It takes time and patience when you are together and it helps that Natalie understands quite a lot about church life behind the scenes. Isla brings youth as well as wisdom and a special bond with her dad as girls so often develop.

Remember your family of origin. Although they may be far away in miles, you carry them in your heart: your mum Margaret Ferguson, so far away and so frail in Scotland and her older sister Aunt Marion; your brother Alistair who lives in Moscow; your cousin Anne Reid with whom you are still so close she might well have been a sister; your father Ian, who died four years ago but remains a part of you. They are your roots and branches and will remain so forever even though you are scattered around the world.

Love your family; love your neighbor; love God; love life itself. Do you know yet what you love at the center of your being? Let love of something be your foundation, your faith, your north star.

Love the congregation, who range from those who feel self-assured to those who find it difficult even to love themselves.  Each of them needs you. But before you can love anyone or anything else you have to love yourself first.

Ministry will call upon you to serve as a leader, a pastor, a priest, a prophet, a role model and a rabbi. Have you already learned to juggle? There will be lonely times when you have to stand alone for something you believe is right and honorable. There will be crowded times when you can scarcely hear yourself think.

Whenever you feel alone and isolated and whenever you feel crowded and overwhelmed that’s where your colleagues come in handy. A number of us have driven many miles for this great occasion because we want to show our support today and in future years. None of us can stand in your shoes, but you can be sure that we will support you when you call upon us, just as we will turn to you when we need advice or a listening ear. Take care of yourself: spirit, mind, and body. Infuse yourself with love and nurture yourself over time. That will be the basis of your great ministry.

One more thing, Brian. Take everything I’ve said with a grain of salt . . . so long as you remember this: have fun! Celebrate! Leap for joy! Believe in miracles! Be yourself!

. . . and let your inner Scot shine!

Amen

What a great occasion!

Mar30

An official departing milestone

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Since today is March 30 it seems appropriate to mark one month remaining at Live Oak. My focus over the next weeks will be on three primary tasks: sermons, a class I’m teaching on listening ministry, and on transitions–passing on information and saying goodbye. Writing this letter two months ago was poignant for me, a little like ripping off a bandaid:

January 30, 2012

Dear Members of the Policy Committee,

As a formality pursuant to the congregational vote on November 13, 2011, I hereby resign my position as Minister of Congregational Life, effective April 30, 2012.

I very much appreciate your work this year in deciding on the best course of action for Live Oak. It has truly been a learning experience for all of us–an experience we might not have undertaken by choice but by circumstance.

Thank you for your support in multiple ways over the years–as well as the challenges that continue to shape me and my ministry. May you thrive in ways we we cannot yet imagine. I will brag on you at every opportunity!

Blessings,

Kathleen