Tag Archives: Unitarian Universalist

Feb11

Remembering Stuart

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Stuart Williamson

A distant friend died a few days ago. Stuart Williamson was somewhat distant in miles and through infrequent contact. When I moved to Texas in 1978 it could not have been long before I met Stuart and his wife Beth, who were married 33 years.

We were all members of Northwoods Unitarian Universalist Church in The Woodlands, TX. We also participated in weekend meetings of the Southwestern Conference, often three times a year for many years. Beth served the Conference as President, but Stuart was there, too, with quiet support.

Northwoods Church held a weekend camping trip on the Williamson property in Bedias, TX . We pitched our tents, enjoyed a glorious campfire, and appreciated their warm hospitality. A funny story: Bob Nugen, my first husband, and I went to bed relatively early, while others were still at the campfire. Morning reports were that Bob started snoring so loudly from our tent that neighboring livestock answered his “call.” I slept through it all.

Stuart and Beth were founders of a new congregation in Huntsville: now called Thoreau Woods Unitarian Universalist Church. I continued to see them at conferences around Texas. Occasionally I would travel to Huntsville to join others in protesting the death penalty outside the death house. The Williamsons would be there. It was particularly poignant when I knew the father of a condemned man. Karo Riddle had been a member of the church I served in Waco. His son Granville, an artist, was executed following a bar fight that went horribly wrong when he was 19. I was grateful to share his story with Stuart and Beth.

The last time I saw Stuart was in Livingston, TX, where I officiated at the memorial service for one of his fellow congregants, whom I had visited several times in a Houston hospital. Stuart and Beth were there along with family, friends, and many other members of their church. Six months later Stuart was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that progressed rapidly. He died at home with Beth by his side as he took his last breath.

There is a lot more to know about Stuart (see his obituary). Seeing him every so often for decades impressed me with his steadfast dedication, his devotion to Beth, and their significant service to Unitarian Universalism in a small East Texas community.

Friendship does not require daily contact. In our case, encounters were infrequent but always welcome. Repetition added layers of connection.

Rest in peace, Stuart. Cherish the memories, Beth.

Love and blessings,

Kathleen

Oct2

Notes from a Successful Failure

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It’s so nice out today. Recent rain and a cooling off period! A cardinal brightens my view and a light breeze carresses this early fall in Austin.

This is a lucky time, a liminal time.  Between jobs I can simply fantasize about my next ministry; anticipate without the burden of specifics; reflect on generalized anxieties that stem from a lifetime of experience.

I would love to know if any of this applies to you, my faithful readers, so do let me know!

Self-deprecation, self-doubt: I am my own worst critic. I’m smart enough and experienced enough to know how inadequate I am to life, to vocation (in my case, ministry). Praise feeds my ego and every criticism goes straight to my stash of inferiority. Compliments from unexpected quarters leave me both grateful and amazed. Loved ones may say I’m great, but how can they be objective? On the other hand, doesn’t self-criticism place me smack in the middle of humanity? Believe in it or not, I know I can do  a good  job.

[Here’s where you can substitute your own fine qualities]: Speaking for myself, I have plenty of experience and ability; a gift for collaboration and synthesis, and a calming presence in groups and with individuals.  Whether or not I am called to a specific place, I can remain confident in my ministerial excellence

Perfectionism: Perfection is perhaps a worthy goal but it is neither attainable NOR necessary! My seminary friend Nan posted a quotation on her computer–“Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” She was even more of a perfectionist than I and she was brilliant! The quote was not an invitation to do poor work nor to slack off but simply to say, Do Something and let go of the expectation that it will transform the world. The perfect sermon/essay/column/report is probably still a blank document. Plain paper, blank screen. Just do the writing then edit later if there’s time.

Until something is written there is nothing to edit. Until the text is read or the sermon is delivered there is nothing for reflection. Okay, then, I am a perfectionist by nature and always seek to do my best. However, I meet deadlines and come prepared. My sermons are rich, thoughtful, and full of content and story. My delivery is not flashy even after an acting class and an improv class but I am comfortable in the pulpit with notes or outline and there are plenty of people who like them!

Wounded Healer: I am aware of my family dynamics and from whence come the wounds and scars. I have had ample family systems training and use systems theory in my work.

But here’s the good news. My failings as a professional are simply failings as a person. They are part and parcel of my character. They mark me as human (imagine)!  That very simple statement brings me comfort today. Our work in no way expects perfection no matter how many complaints or snide remarks may be thrown our way. Indeed, ministry expects humanity.

We are expected to do our best with our gifts and challenges and within ethical boundaries. We love praise but we learn to live with the complaints that yea, verily, we disappointed or royally screwed up. Sure, we may not be right for a particular ministry, but we are inherently worthy. At the very least we have significant education, multiple supervisors, mentors, and evaluations along the way, and ever-increasing quantities of life experience. We can model what a compassionate and competent person can do when we fail.

Moving to a new home or city or employment is one way to make a new start, but still we bring our best and worst selves along for the ride.

One more thought. I can let God be God–hold all that perfection and ideal and power that eludes every single one of us–and I am human, just doing my best with the choices and challenges life brings. End of sermon!

P.S. About an hour after I wrote the earlier reflection, I accepted the offer of a nine-month ministry as assistant to the Rev. Daniel O’Connell at First Unitarian Universalist Church of Houston! The previous assistant had resigned abruptly and this is to finish out the church year. Back to weekly commuting to/from Austin as I have done before. I think I will learn a lot at First UU, a church that is anchoring a transition to satellite churches–4 clergy for 3 campuses. Hmm, a 3-ring circus!

Jul4

Two Transylvanias

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Back from a month of travel and books!

My last blogs placed me in Brevard and Asheville, NC, visiting friends. Beautiful people, beautiful forests, waterfalls, and cool air. On Sunday morning of our visit, Jon and I walked about 4 blocks to the Unitarian Universalist church in Brevard. It’s called Unitarian Universalists of Transylvania County, a very descriptive name (trans + sylvania = through a wooded land).

In May of 1999 Jon and I made a more distant journey to Transylvania, formerly part of Hungary and now part of Romania.  Many of the people are historically Unitarian. They experienced a great deal of persecution for their religion and language. The irony is that the Unitarian King John Sigismund issued an Edict of Religious Toleration in 1568 – “The Edict of Torda (or Turda), also known as the Patent of Toleration (Act of Religious Tolerance and Freedom of Conscience), was an attempt by King John II Sigismund of Hungary to guarantee religious freedom in his realm. Specifically, it broadened previous grants (to Roman Catholics, Lutherans, and Calvinists) to include the Unitarian Church, and allowed toleration (not legal guarantees) for other faiths” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edict_of_Toleration)

Public schools do not teach Hungarian and no Hungarian is allowed in the public square on signs or in speech. Therefore the Unitarian churches keep Hungarian culture and language alive. Their motto, counter to Trinitarianism, is very simple: “God Is One.” In Hungarian it’s spelled Egy Az Isten and pronounced Edge Oz Eeshten. That simple yet profound declaration is posted over every church gate and in the sanctuary.

Our host in the city of Brassó (“Brasov” in Romanian) was the Rev. Sándor Máthé and his wife Sindike. They live next door to the magnificent church in a parsonage from which we could go directly down to the church in a driving rainstorm. Twelve children participated in catechism and Confirmation that day (11 boys and 1 girl!) and received as adult members in the faith. [Fun fact: they used Jon’s pen to sign the Membership Book.] The Unitarian Church in Eastern Europe is far different from this country’s. Its depths of history and tradition are inspirational.

A memory trip indeed! I’ll get back to my intended topic by and by . . . Happy Independence Day, wherever you live!

Apr27

Kairos / Chronos

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The close of my ministry with Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Church is coming quickly. It boils down to a pastoral visit, a parable for the children, a sermon for the grownups, a farewell to and from all, and a walk through the building and through the labyrinth before turning in my keys.

I am a fortunate woman to have served this congregation for nearly nine years. That is a substantial chunk of time since my ordination nineteen years ago.

Chronos refers to time in ordinary terms, as in past, present, and future. It is measurable in nanoseconds and in geological eras. Events happen and recede into the past. We plan for the future and it’s here so quickly I often say, “The dates in your calendar are closer than they appear.”

In Greek mythology, Chronos is the personification of Time. Kairos has a different Greek meaning for time: the opportune moment. Typically something special happens at just that “right” moment in time.

In chronos terms, April 30 is my last day at Live Oak. I can look back over my time there and the history before then, and I can estimate with increasing certitude how the next few days will play out.

In terms of kairos, this is an opportune moment for nearly anything to transpire. Whenever there is a change in leadership the entire system shifts. Transitions begin with an ending, then go through a neutral zone of flux and possibility, and end with a beginning: something new and not entirely predictable. T.S. Eliot said it this way in The Four Quartets:

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

I don’t think he meant that in absolute terms. “Where we start from” changes and if we land there again we land with different experiences, wisdom, and insight (or a new chance to learn the same lessons again).

My immediate plans are to travel. My husband Jon and I will take a road trip to see friends in North Carolina. We have both been working so hard that a break will be most welcome. Yesterday was our 15th (!) anniversary. Time on the road will give us a chance truly to catch up while leaving ordinary responsibilities behind. A second honeymoon! We’ll be back in time for me to preach in San Antonio–perhaps an antidote to the temptation to “run away from home.”

June will find me on a journey to Tokyo to visit my son Rob, his wife Lin, and Lin’s extended family. The only other time I visited Rob in Tokyo was in 2003, I believe, the first year he moved there. Who knew he would stay so long, teaching English, working as a messenger, and now computer programming? Who knew he would meet his Taiwanese wife because she wanted someone to climb Mt. Fuji with her? He has been back to the States a few times; I’m excited about my return trip.

Returning June 14 I’ll have just barely enough time to reset my biological clock, do some laundry, and repack to fly to Phoenix on the 17th. This trip will be for the General Assembly of the Unitarian Universalist Association. We’re calling this one a “Justice General Assembly” to draw attention to our witness on comprehensive immigration reform. Where better than Arizona to raise our voices?

Those are chronos events, to be sure. The kairos comes in the possibility–no, the certainty–that my life will spin into a direction unknown. It won’t be Kansas any more, Toto! My ministry will form and reform as the months and moments occur. I am open to new possibilities.

I have such high hopes for Live Oak as well. Spinning a congregation in a new direction will also be inevitable, but it will likely be a little longer in duration. Have any of you noticed the speed of church? This transition will be rapid in congregational terms but terribly slow for the “early adopters.” I am so excited for their future. Since change is inevitable, let’s all make the best of it!

Be blessed, companions, as I have been blessed.

Jan2

Back to the Real World . . .

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Rob and Rinko are on their way back to Tokyo (Kawasaki-Shi, to be more precise). They will spend one night in San Francisco with her uncle. They’ll be home in the early hours of Thursday, Japan time, and back to work just a few hours later.

It’s so quiet here without them! My heart has grown larger with the addition of a new family member plus conversations about starting a family in a few years. Even his younger brother Fred is pondering marriage and family. They were always “late bloomers” and that has always been a good thing for them. Fine young men.

The wedding was “whimsical and wonderful.” It was Lin’s first visit to Texas, though she has been to California and New York. Rob made most of the wedding decisions (in spite of anyone else’s advice). You will probably guess which parts gave me pause!

Lunch before the wedding at Golden Corral. This was a sentimental choice because of multiple times Rob went there as a teen and young adult. Lin was quite happy, as she is with almost everything. An amazing selection of fried foods, but there were raw veggies as well. It was a little awkward to sit with my ex Bob and our younger son Fred, but we managed to reminisce about some of the good old days. His wife did not join this party of a dozen or more.

In spite of my worries otherwise, Rob did actually wear a tux. I walked him down one aisle, then Bob walked Lin down the other aisle. Not until it was time to get Rob did I see that he really and truly would not be wearing shoes. That felt awkward to me but it made him happy and Lin didn’t mind. He goes barefoot whenever possible and just has flip flops in his backpack when necessary for restaurants, etc.

The wedding took place at Northwoods UU Church in The Woodlands, TX. It is where the boys grew up and I was a member for 15 years before they ordained me in 1993. Rob and Fred were there for that occasion, too, so it seemed like the best place for Rob’s wedding. We had plenty of time after lunch to walk through the building and grounds that we had all helped build in 1984-85. Lin and I even took a walk in the neighborhood until it was time to get ready for the main event.

I helped Lin with her wedding dress. Since the room didn’t have a mirror at all (I had asked ahead of time) it was good to have brought a full length mirror where she fussed with makeup and headpiece.

During the ceremony, the minister read a “love letter” written by Rob and Lin. With a reference to Rob’s longstanding nickname as ThunderRabbit, it concluded with a reference to rabbits happily playing in a field with plenty of ice cream and pizza available. At that point the congregation was signaled to put on their rabbit ears to surprise Lin and Rob.

Family photos after the ceremony, cake and sparkling cider and other goodies afterward.

Karen and Bob had provided the cake, some of the drinks, and the flowers–a bouquet for Lin and a boutonniere for Rob. Karen had loaned a pearl necklace to Lin. Karen left after about an hour of the reception and retrieved the pearls. I ran out to my car to get new pearls to give Lin–necklace, earrings, and 3 bracelets. I had bought them on sale plus they were less expensive river pearls,  but had held them back because I knew Karen had loaned her some. I thought these were interesting with their irregular shapes, and felt just right for Lin. She was delighted and I was so glad to have bought them for her.

After cleanup and lockup, fifteen of us migrated to Dimassi’s for dinner. We had already had dessert first! Jon wisely didn’t eat; I overdid it just to taste some of the delicious Greek delicacies. The party finally broke up and dispersed in several directions. What a fun time!